Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Shut 'Em Down

Last night I came to the conclusion that I am going a bit too far with this whole food obsession / weigh loss thing. I decided that it was for the best that I shut this blog down for it encourages my obsession. But today, I went and did it again. I stepped on the scale. To my surprise, I discovered that I am two pounds down from yesterday. Two pounds! Ok. I can’t stop now. I have to keep blogging. I have to keep focusing. I need to lose more weight!

Monday, August 20, 2007


I just weighed myself and discovered that I've gained a pound!!! I am so pissed off. I have been trying to keep my body healthy by forcing myself to eat for nourishment, even when I didn't want the food in the first place. So much for listening to My Love. I should have held out until it was absolutely necessary for me to eat.

I was so freaked out and pissed off after weighing myself that I decided it was time to go back to ******* ** *******, which I did. Now I have a pounding headache out of this world! I always forget about the headaches. All I want to do is lose 18 pounds, is that too much to ask?!?!? I hate fat. I hate calories. I hate food.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Getting Back on Track

Jewels: Divas, what have you had in your mouths today?

Tammie: I went to Captain D's. I ordered fish and fries. I only ate the fish.

Symone: I had a McChicken sandwich and fries. The fries were cold by the time I got to eat though. That was my first time having a McChicken. It was good!

Jewels: Symone, I love you so I am going to put this as gently as possible. You are falling into your old unhealthy eating habits. What happened to the lose weight or die trying attitude that I so admired?

Symone: It all went out the door the day the scale told me I weighed 179! It's no longer about losing weight. It's about toning up my Under Belly and being healthy so I live a long life and don't die of a heart attack at 31.

Jewels: Symone, you have to get back on track! I will help you. Please, start counting calories, bites, and chews. I don’t want you to give up or give in. Trust me when I tell you that toning is not enough! It's never enough!

Symone: I refuse to be like that. I will continue to watch my portion sizes, cut back on fried foods, and exercise. If I lose weight, I do. If I don't, I don't. Now, I'm not going to go crazy and eat a ton of calories, just because that's not healthy for me. But I'm not going to go calorie crazy either. I have to have curves. I'm turning into a hottie ;)

Jewels: Symone, with all due respect, if you are indulging in Jr. Whoppers with cheese and McChicken sandwiches, you are not eating healthy.

Symone: You have a point. You are so right. I will drink an extra 64 ounces of water tonight to cleanse my system. I'm thinking of having at least one day a week where I only eat fruits and vegetables to cleanse my system. I thought about fasting once a week...but I'm still a big girl, I can't do that yet.

Jewels: I just think it is important that we keep our focus. You felt so good about the fact that you were losing weight. If you were to gain it back, you may feel like a failure.

Symone: I thought about it, and you are right.

New Obsession

Tammie: Good morning ladies! Has was everyone's weekend? J, how was the new Meijer?

Jewels: I was at Meijer’s for two hours! They had some great deals. Strawberry Mini Wheats were 3/$5.00. Johnsonville Brats 2/$5.00. (They now make turkey cheddar brats, so of course, that is what I bought.) Dole salad mix was buy one get / one free. Angel brand tissue (which I don't particularly care for) was half price. They ran out, so I got a rain check.

Symone: Mini Wheats are awful! Didn't I just tell you I got tired of chewing after eating just five of them? I saw a commercial this weekend that says they have 8 layers of wheat. You have to be a freakin' vampire to chew through 8 layers of wheat!

Jewels: Ironically, someone else said the exact same thing to me this morning. Well, actually it wasn’t nearly as illustrated, but the meaning was same thing. She said that she couldn’t swallow, not chew, but swallow Mini Wheats. When I told her that she was bizarre, she threatened to touch me! She knows that I get uneven if I am not touched symmetrically!

Symone: You need HELP.


Tammie: BECAUSE YOU DO!! You are too obsessed with so many things. ******* ********** ********** *** ******** *** ******* *** * * ***** *******.

Symone: OMG, ********* ************ ********** **************** *********** ************ *********** ************************* ************** **********

Jewels: In all seriousness, I truly resent being compared to * ******** *****.
Tammie, *** ****** * * **** ******** ***** *** ** ***** *** *** *. ** ** *****. ******* **, ********.

Symone: **** ***** *** ** ***** ******. ***** **** ***** ** * ******* *** *** *** ******** ***** **. ************** *** ****** *** ****** *** **** *** *** ***

Ok, here is my new obsession - soft skin. I am addicted to it. I just went and bought some lip stuff on my lunch break because I didn’t think my lips were soft enough. Jewels, guess what I got? Blistex Lip Medex! You got me hooked on that stuff years ago! I love the tingly feeling! I also bought a hand pampering set from Mary Kay. It makes your hands incredibly soft. I need to get more body scrub so I can exfoliate my skin. I love it when my legs are smooth! I think I'm in love with myself! Or maybe just obsessed with my skin. Jewels, you have definitely made me crazy over the years. I was never crazy until you.
Jewels: I would sooner try meth than touch Blistex again! That stuff is ADDICTIVE! It took a long time for me to break free of that addiction. Be careful, Symone! Use sparingly.

And yes, you are in love with yourself, which includes your skin. And yes, I admit that I have contributed to you being a little on the crazy side.

Symone: It's very addictive. The tingle is gone, so I'm about to put more on. It's addictive, but it works. As long as I don't look like I smeared Crisco on my mouth, I'll be ok.

Jewels: Don’t do it, Symone. Pace yourself!

Symone: Too late.

Jewels: You really need to try to get control of this today.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

To Sleep Perchance to Eat

My Friday's breakfast consisted of fruit (refused to count the how many slices of fruit), hot tea (no sugar), and water.

For lunch, one slice of veggie pizza from LaRosa's, salad with Honey French dressing.

Admittedly, I felt extremely guilty for eating both the pizza and the high calorie dressing. To make matters even worse, Amber's step-daughter offered me a cookie! There was no way in hee haw that I deserved a cookie after such a fattening lunch. However, I didn't want to appear to be a complete nut, so I reluctantly shared an oatmeal raisin cookie with the young one.

I planned on going out to dinner with My Love; however, the distance between us made me not want to dine or even eat at all. Weight loss tip #44, when you are hungry but do not want to consume calories, pop a sleeping pill and take a nap. If you are extremely lucky, you may dream of eating. Unfortunately, I did not.

My Love woke me at 9:30 pm insisting that I eat dinner. Of course, I said that I wasn't hungry, rolled over and went back to sleep. Approximately a half hour later, "Wake up. You need to eat something." My Love had left home and gone to pick me up dinner. I was mortified! My Love chose one of the highest calorie dinners that I could imagine: a Chicken Philly Sandwich with onion rings!!! My Love is so calculating. I could not refuse a meal after My Love had taken the effort to actually leave the house and pick up dinner. Also, to make the food appear less intimidating, My Love only placed half the sandwich on my plate with three onion rings, no ketchup. Because I don't care for onion rings, I ate them first. (Psycho tip # 26, always save a bite of what you enjoy most for last. It ensures that you end your meal with a good taste in your mouth.) I then slowly ate my half of the chicken sandwich. Although it was delicious, I would have preferred to remain asleep so that I could have spared my body the unnecessary calories.

At any rate, I've been doing much better the past two weeks with not obsessing on my weight; however, my menstrual cycle has had such a negative effect on my body and self image. I've been so bloated these past few days that My Love actually suggested that I take "something" to help with the problem. Heck, gotta love honesty. At any rate, it's been at least two weeks since I've ****** ** *******. Once my period has ended, I may resume. Not permanently, just temporarily.

Here is what others had for lunch today:

Amber: Pizza and salad. I'm not sure how many slices she ate. Probably just one. Actually, she can afford to eat two slices. I wish I had her body.

Symone: Jr. Whopper. My ADD is preventing me from remember exactly how it was prepared or what accompanied the burger.

Tammie: She almost cried because her "friend" surprised her with lunch from Frisch's. He ordered her a Big Boy sandwich, minus the middle bun. He asked to substitute the regular bun for a rye bun and American cheese for Swiss. She also had fries and a cherry coke. Tammie was touched and almost in tears that Tim cared enough to notice and retain exactly how she liked her food prepared.

Personally, I would have been touched too. Anyone who takes the time and initiative to memorize your food preferences and ensured that it is prepared to your liking truly cares. I would suggest you keep him or her around indefinitely.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Angel of Mercy or Devil in Disguise?

I have been convinced by doctors and weight loss experts alike that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. However, I view skipping breakfast as an effective way of eliminating up to 1/3 of my daily caloric intake.

This morning was just like every other morning I've had for the past few weeks. I slept through all alarms (three alarms from the cell phone and one alarm from the clock) and was running late as usual. After my shower, I was still exhausted and cranky. I heard my telephone ring. I went to answer when I noticed the display read "Vinnie". My brother's voice was not the first voice that I wanted to hear in the morning. The call went unanswered. Around 20 minutes later, my second call of the morning came in. I checked my phone. Thankfully, it was my daily good morning call from Amber. I needed to hear a soothing voice.

Amber was also running a little late for work. However, under no circumstance does this woman like to go hungry. No matter how late she may be, she always makes time for breakfast. She informed me that she was stopping at Arby's and wanted to know if I would like our regular: Egg and cheese croissant and orange juice. Out of instinct, I immediately thought of all of the calories that I would consume, so I initially declined her offer for breakfast. However, I then thought about how tired I felt and realized that the food and vitamin C from the OJ would serve a dual purpose. One, it would provide me with some much needed energy. Two, it would help keep me from getting ill from all of the coffee and tea which I planned to consume throughout the day. So, I changed my mind and asked Amber to pick me up breakfast as well.

I arrived to work and ate my breakfast. I was thankful that Amber was kind enough to bring me breakfast. It was delicious as usual. Once I was finished, I didn't feel the regular, slight degree of guilt that I normally experience. Nor did I focus on calories (too much). I ate it; enjoyed it; and was done with it.... until later that day. Amber and I were discussing how many calories we felt that we had consumed throughout the day. Amber matter-of-factly informed me that croissants were extremely high in calories. In all honesty, I've wondered from time to time how many calories were in our regular breakfast, but for some reason or another, I've never taken the time or initiative to investigate. I decided the time had come. I needed to know exactly how many calories were in a croissant. The answer: 180! How, why, and when did somebody put 180 calories in a single croissant? Croissants are light and fluffy. Shouldn't they also be light in calories? My next question was how long has sweet Amber known that she was pumping me full of delicious, buttery calories? All this time, has Amber been an angel for making sure that I was eating breakfast, or a devil for pumping full of puffed pastries. The verdict is still out. I have not yet decided.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Who Ate What?

Jewels: Ok. Ladies, what have you had to eat this morning? I had Cinnamon Tea (without sugar). No food. There is probably only 2 calories in the tea.

Molly: White Castles. Sausage, egg, cheese on a biscuit. Hash browns and an orange juice.

Tammie: That sounds good. Lunch time is soon for me and I'm starving. I had a cup of coffee and some M&Ms.

Symone: Coffee yuck. M&M's - now that's something I haven't had in a long time! I'll have to get some today.

Jewels: NO, Symone. Please, don’t do it. Don’t get the M&Ms. Dang it, Tammie. See what you’ve done?!?

Tammie: Step away from the vending machine. I only ate a few. I just couldn't' t have coffee on an empty stomach.

Symone: *sigh* You guys are taking all the fun away from me! Ok, actually I pigged out all weekend, so I really need to get back to the healthy diet today. Friday night I had Alabama's for dinner. Saturday I had a chicken cheese steak sandwich. Sunday I had chicken tenders & fries, then I had Olive Garden for dinner. I refuse to take the blame for it though, I'm getting ready to come on so I'm blaming it on my hormones.

Jewels: It’s not your fault. It was definitely the hormones. Tell me, did you do as I suggested and only eat half of the Alabama’s meal?

Anyways, I pigged out this weekend too. I can’t tell you how many peanut butter cookies I had to eat. Sunday, we went to an Indian Restaurant. I didn’t eat too much. And guess what? I k*** e********* d***! No more craziness… until I feel better.

Does anyone know what they will be having for lunch? I am having chicken salad (Miracle Whip Light, one egg, relish, pepper) on oat bread and water.

Symone: Maybe I will have Indian for lunch! Ok, let's face it. I'm going to have my same, boring, bland Subway for lunch today. I might spice it up with a salad from Wendy's. Nah, that's too much running around. Boring Subway it is.

Jewels: It maybe boring, but it’s helping you to reach your goal!

Molly: I want a salad with grilled chicken over it.

Jewels: That sounds nice and healthy. What kind of dressing?

Molly: Either ranch or honey french.

Symone: Honey French sounds great!

Jewels: I love Honey French and Honey Mustard. However, I have stopped using them because they are HIGH in calories. I now use Wishbone Salad Spritzers. There’s only one calorie in each spray. The Honey French and Honey Mustard have around 130 calories in two tablespoons!

Symone: At this rate, I'm never going to lose weight. I can't just eat for nutritional value, I have to eat for the good taste of food. I've shrunk my stomach, but I still need food to taste good. *I know all the health books say that a healthy maximum weight for someone my height is 150, however, I have no desire to have a 6 pack and no curves. I would much rather weigh around 160 and have some nice curves. I don't even care if I never drop another size in my waist, I just want to flatten my tummy a little more and get rid of my "pooch" under my belly button.

Jewels: I want to be 1 something really low.

Symone: You can't weigh more than 130 now.

Jewels: The hee haw I can’t. I am going to weigh myself now. I should have done it this morning. If the results are bad… Tammie & Symone, you know what I have to do! Wish me luck. I’ll be right black.

Molly: Symone, Tammie, why in the world is Jewels counting calories!!!

Symone: Her crazy self thinks she needs to lose weight. All she needs to do is tone up. She's always had a great shape, she's losing her mind.

Jewels: I am not being as neurotic as I’ve been within the past couple of weeks. Can I have credit for that?

Symone: Yes, you can. I'm actually proud of you for pigging out this weekend, good for you! You should eat a nice dinner tonight. You deserve it. Then go burn off the calories.

Jewels: Forget all that not being neurotic talk. I just came from the scales. Can you say 141?!?!?!? One of you needs to leave work and come and check on me! I am thisclose to losing it!!!

Molly: Well, you don't even want to know what I weigh!!!!!! You may pass out.

Tammie: Jewels, stop tripping. You are no where near fat. You need to learn to love you no matter what. Be so confident in yourself that no matter how thin or how thick you are that you know you still look good. And no one’s checking for the Olsen twin look. It will make you look like you are on that stuff. Get it together girl. And you can't go by what these quacks say is the right weight for your height. The average woman is at the least a size 12 (me). The media and these celebs have created this false image of what we should look like. I have been thin and I didn't like being that thin. I'm so much happier that I gained some weight. I don't really want to lose any; I just need to tone up what I already have. You don't need to lose any weight. No one should be starving themselves. I love me like no one else. And I can't see me hurting myself. Think about that the next time you look in the mirror or weigh yourself every 5 minutes. Jewels, STEP AWAY FROM THE SCALE.

Symone: I agree. I would never want to look like the celebrities; they need meat on their bones. I don't want to have a 6 pack, that ain't me. I was most comfortable at a size 12. Heck, I looked darn good. Even now, if I didn't lose any more weight and could just tone my tummy some more, I would be happy.

Jewels, you have to stop. Your body is bangin'. Be happy with it. You're a beautiful person inside and out. Know that and believe it.

Jewels: I believe no one and I believe in nothing. Leave me alone to wallow in my misery.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Losing My Appetite

Ok, I know that people that are mentally ill or have had nervous breakdowns often don't look at things the way the rest of the world does, but this is getting to be ridiculous. We have a customer (you may have heard me complain about him before) who just plain STINKS. We actually refer to him as Stinky (not to his face). We really can't describe his scent, it's just foul. It's like sweaty bizalls that haven't been washed in YEARS. It's like what you imagine the smell to be like when you think of the little booths at the freaky deaky store where you put a quarter in and men get to watch a few minutes of a flick, and you know they sitting there pulling on they stuff and letting it splat on the ground, and you know ain't nobody going back there and cleaning up all that splat - that's what he smells like. Not that I've ever been in a Splat Room, but that's just what you imagine it smells like. When he walks into the branch, the whole place starts to stink. He's sitting by the door, and I can smell him at my desk, which is about as far as Jewels' kitchen from her front door…now you know that's bad!

My thing is, when you stink that bad, YOU KNOW YOU STINK! GET YO FUNKY AZZ IN THE TUB AND SCRUB! Stankin' azz pink toe!