Sunday, July 29, 2007

Desperate Texts

OMG! I'm getting ready to start my period and it's making me bloated. I'm super fat again! I'm going to jump in front of a bus.

Jewels: Whatever you do, do not hurt yourself. Focus on how great you are going to look once all the bloating goes away.

I wouldn't really do death by bus. It's not a sure death. I could wind up crippled for life. I would do rat poison mixed with my favorite food.

Jewels: How do you know the rat poison would be effective. It could just make your hair fall out.

I would digest enough to be sure it would kill me. If I gain weight, I will buy mass quantities of it to make sure it works.

Jewels: Please don't do it. I need you. I couldn't survive without you.

Ok. I won't. I will just get gastric bypass surgery. Think I can find a doctor to do it? By the way, you looked super thin yesterday.

Jewels: You would not qualify for the surgery. We just have to keep doing what we've been doing. BTW, I don't look thin. I am huge. You looked great. I can tell you've lost a lot of weight.

My jeans are baggy in the thighs today. That's a good thing. You looked thin. I want to be you.

Jewels: Baggy jeans are a good sign. I wish I could lose as much weight as you. You're my hero.

No, you're my hero. Go to Target and buy the book Extreme Fat Smash Diet by Dr. Ian Smith. It will be our diet bible.

Jewels: I wouldn't be able to make it through Phase I. I am a weak loser.

We can just skip to the last phase. We don't have time for gradual weight loss!

Jewels: That's right. We want instant gratification!

Right! Who has time to lose weight the healthy way?

Jewels: Hell, you know I am far from doing the healthy thing. I wish that I could get so sick that I would be unable to eat.

Only the flu works that miracle.

Jewels: I always get the wrong illnesses.

Me too. I will forever be fatter than you.

Jewels: Don't say that! Regardless of how much either one of us weighs, I will never be satisfied with my body.

You need help.

Jewels: So do you!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

A Bit About Symone

I forgot to send these to you yesterday! Symone's Weight Loss Battle:

Bust 42.50" lost 1.75"
Waist 37.50" lost 5.00"
Abdomen 45.25" lost 2.00"
Hips 45.00" lost 1.75"
Thighs 24.50" lost 3.50"
Arms 13.50" lost 3.00"
Weight 188 pounds lost 16 pounds
Body Fat 39.80% lost .80%, which equals 8.01 pounds of body fat.

Total inches lost 17" since last measurements were taken.

Food yesterday: Lunch - 4" Subway turkey sub (turkey, 2 mini triangles of cheese, less than 1 teaspoon of honey mustard), bag of Baked Lays, and water. Dinner - Caesar Side Salad from Wendy's (no croutons) and 1 cup of Sugar Free Jell-O (10 calories). Estimated total daily calories less than 600.

Food Today so far: Breakfast - 1 cup of Yoplait Whips yogurt, 160 calories. Plan to have an additional cup of yogurt and a cup of Jell-O for lunch for a total of 330 calories throughout the day. Having taco's for dinner tonight - I will most likely have just the taco meat and some corn as a side item. Not sure of the calorie content, but I'm estimating it's going to be high, so I'm trying to save calories for this evening. Will be drinking water throughout the day.

I'm having a strange feeling in my stomach, it started yesterday. It doesn't feel like my stomach felt when it was shrinking (when I wasn't eating anything). It's like my muscles are constricting or something. At first I thought all the water was pushing my stomach back out, but several people reassured me that wouldn't be happening because I'm peeing the water out as fast as I'm drinking it in. I'm not sure what the feeling is, but I'm not concerned about it yet. It's not a hunger feeling…it's weird. I've also been reassured that I'm not stretching my stomach back out, because I never eat until I get a full feeling, and that would be when my stomach would be stretching - when it feels really full. I have a doctor appointment next week and I will be asking her about the funny feeling - could just be from the weight loss - body getting used to the new weight.

I haven't had a chance to go to the gym this week because of my pt job schedule and my eye dr appointment on Monday, but I will be going to the gym on Saturday morning and maybe Friday after work.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Personal Thinspiration

Val Babe,

I am so upset with you for not telling me Chavonne was in Atlanta. I can't wait until she comes to Cinti for a visit. I am going to post Chavonne as my Thinspiration for she hasn't gained a pound since we've known her. Actually, she is thinner than when we first met! I will post some older pictures of the three of us (the pictures from New York) at a later date for weight comparisons.

Love ya,



1. disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing.
2. Refusal to recognize or acknowledge;
3. Sacrifice of one's own wants or needs; self-denial.
4. Psychology. an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.

I have come to realize that I have been in denial concerning certain aspects of my life. I've refused to acknowledge the obvious regarding certain matters that I no longer have the privilege of ignoring. So, to keep a harmonious balance in my life, since my mind has been in denial for so long, I feel it only fair for my body to experience the same. My motive is not to torture myself or lose weight (ok, that's an added benefit). I am merely interested in getting more in-tune with my mind and body and soul. My food intake today: two cups of Winter Earl Grey Tea, sugar-free gum, and water.

Tammi's skipped breakfast today. Her lunch consisted of a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with miracle whip and Swiss cheese, a bag of Grippo's BBQ chips and her favorite soda, Dr. Pepper.

Today,Amber decided decreased her breakfast portions to help cut back on calories. Normally, she consumes 1 1/2 servings of cereal. Today she only ate one serving of Frosted Mini Wheat cereal with 1% milk with Milled flax seed added to it. She enjoyed a Grilled Chicken Salad from LaRosa's with Honey Mustard dressing and one slice of garlic toast.

My Dearest Val has been too busy to eat or drink today. Her caloric intake: a big fat ZERO. You go, Val. You’re my hero!

We are still waiting on Angel's intake.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Food For Thought

"I have learned over the years that I love me no matter what. God made me unique and different from other people for a reason. Society has given us this false image of how we're supposed to look. And women in particular are trying to live up to that image. I don't care how I look in a bikini, I am still wearing one. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I used to be very apprehensive about how I looked because I have A LOT of stretch marks, now I could care less. It's okay to want to change things, but make sure you are doing them for you and you only. Not for what you think someone else wants to see. " -- Tammi

Fasting Tuesday

I have a dear friend who fasts once a week for spiritual purposes. Each Tuesday she skips breakfast and lunch. I figure if Amber who weighs in at 130 lbs can go a day without eating, so can I. Tea without sugar is allowable, so I had hot tea for breakfast. Sugar-free gum for snack. Water and a fresh piece of sugar-free gum for lunch. For dinner, it was Skyline. Because I stopped eating red meat one month ago, my regular 3-way (steamed spaghetti, chili and mounds of cheese) was not an option. Amber once told me about the Vegetarian Black Bean coney (black beans, rice, onions and mustard served on a steamed bun and covered with cheese) that Skyline offers. Apparently , it's a secret coney for it is not listed on their regular menu. Curious to try it, yet skeptical as to its taste, I decided to order only one coney. To drink, the usual water with light ice and a lemon wedge. I was sure to drink a full glass of water before my Veggie Coney arrived. When it did, I was pleasantly surprised by the taste. I loved it! My mind then began to race. The questions that filled my head:
Why isn't this meal option listed on the menu?
Why have I not heard of this before?
Is this coney saved for only "special" patrons?
May I have another?
The last question I could answer myself. Oddly enough, although I had skipped breakfast and lunch, I didn't have a large appetite. Or maybe all of the water I drank gave my body that false feeling of being full. However, because I had much to accomplish in the evening, I decided that I better eat another coney so that I would have energy to work and exercise. Unfortunately, the second veggie coney put me over the edge! Abdominal distention and nausea set in almost immediately.
Lesson learned: I should have only eaten one coney. I never should have justified eating the second by saying I needed energy. Jewels is making a vow to listen to her body in the future and not allow greed to control what she puts in her mouth.

Tammi (Profile : 5'2", 147, nothing but back!):
Breakfast – Cheese Danish and Mt. Dew.
Snack – Hot Coffee
Lunch – Wendy's Single - no cheese, pickle, mayo, and onion only. Fries but I only ate half of them. And I'm still nursing the cherry coke.

Symone’s food intake, written in her own words, is below as :
I had a cup of yogurt and 64 ounces of water today. So far that's only 120 calories. I'm going to lunch in a second, and I'm going to the Mexican place near my job. I will be having a chicken & cheese quesadilla. I have no idea how many calories that will be, but I will have water with my meal and I will not eat again until dinner time, when I will eat a very small portion of whatever we have.

Stop obsessing about food. If we're both obsessing, how on earth are we going to make it? Is this a rhetorical question?

Stressful Monday

Is there really such a thing as comfort food? If so, my dearest Tammi was unsuccessful at locating it. Unfortunately, during trouble times, she has a tendency to lose her appetite3. So, for breakfast, Tammi indulged in... Nothing. As far as lunch was concerned, she chose to consume a bit more of Nothing. Dinner, she opted for several bites of... yes, you guessed it... Nothing. I wonder if she lost any weight yesterday.

As for yours truly. I had a regular day of eating.
Breakfast - Half a raisin bagel with light cream cheese. Winter White Earl Grey Tea with sugar.

Lunch - Salad with red onion, tomato, cucumber, feta cheese. I actually used two types of dressing, T. Marzetti's Honey Mustard (approximately 2 tbs.) and Wishbone Raspberry Spritzer (10 sprays). I also drank a 1/2 L of water.

Dinner - Bowl of Cheerios and a 1/2 L of water.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Food Intake For Saturday - Today's weight 142 lbs

The world moves faster. People move faster. Everything is faster with the exception of my bowels. They aren't moving and haven't moved in the past week. However, do you think that I would allow this to keep me from enjoying a delicious meal?

All day, I was too busy to take time to eat. I had 1/4 cup of coffee with light sugar and heavy cream. I drank water for lunch. Needless to say, by 6:30 pm, I was starved. The intense hunger that I was experiencing was not an unfamiliar or unpleasant feeling for me. The downside is the extreme weakness that results. My partner who understands my body volunteered to drive us to get a bite to eat. The restaurant of choice: The Cheesecake Factory.

Because I am at my heaviest weight ever (142 lbs), I usually do not order an appetizer when I dine out. However, since I was thisclose to passing out and the restaraunt was rather crowded which meant that service would be inevitably slow, we decided to share an order of Fried Macaroni and Cheese. We both know that Macaroni is unhealthy by itself; once it's fried and served over a creamy marinara sauce, it becomes a dieter's death trap! Nonetheless, we indulge. Half way through the Fried Macaroni, I begin feeling somewhat nauseated. I wonder if I've been a victim of food poisoning. However, my dining companion was not experiencing any of the symptoms.

We place or respective orders. I chose the Orange Chicken. My partner opted for the Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta. By the time our order arrived, we were both full from the appetizer and ready to escape the cold of the restaurant. We requested to have our meals packed to go. And since we were at Cheesecake Factory, dessert is a must. No matter how full or bloated we were, our bodies demanded a slice of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake to take home.

So, my food intake for the day consisted of:

Coffee (1/4 cup, light sugar, heavy cream)
Fried Macaroni and Cheese (half an order)
Bread (3")
Orange Chicken (5 bites)
Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake (5 bites)